Welcome

This is my first blog post on this particular site since it’s inception. My fingers hover over the laptop keys as I recount all that has happened this year. It might help if everyone could catch up from an eventful 2016 to this year 2017.

After the Horlock House Artist in Residency I went back to Texas and helped the famous Navasota painter, “Russel Cushman” with his mural on the side of the Hi-Ho Gas Station. I learned some handle techniques in pottery, met new friends, tried new wine, and had one of the most amazing experiences of my lifetime. I would like to first visit my previous blogs to condense these amazing experiences:

Thursday, March 2, 2017 “Merry go-round”

I wake up at 8ish on a Thursday morning. Yet again I have another dream of putting clothes away at Shopko, a store I used to work part-time for growing up. But this time there was a panel watching me put clothes away and a beautiful song playing while the panel lingered gratfully listening.
I used to have alot of dreams I was working at previously worked jobs I since left. Each with a weird twist. One dream I do remember was I was waitressing for rich people until late into the night at my last job, Le Chateau. A Mansion with several darkly lite sepia toned floors, but this time a red carpet lined the halls where the kids of the owners frolicked while I scurried around looking for wine glasses in the dark.

Today I feel yet again I am walking up back in time. Coming from Texas during an 88 degree spring I now am facing snow in Wisconsin every week and a snail like pace day to day. I am waking up in the same dream, the same day over and over even though I know I ‘ve made changes. Last nite I finished 2 pieces. I will try not getting lost in a day dream while in this place that looks like child hood memories.  I am going to stick to a plan and tackle an Artist website and create an online port folio.

Thursday, February 23, 2017 “Home Again”

I sit with elbows curved beside my black card table used for painting. With a pot of coffee brewed, my eyes settle on Jay Street. A Squirrel lingers then runs up a tree infront after a man shuffles into Pickerman’s restaurant. How did the squirrel get soo off track that now he is stuck in a concrete desert surrounded by busy people and vehicles? I guess when you wonder off any path into the unknown your life can take several turns you would rather miss. That is what risk is, a challenge to get to the other side where safety and stability are.

After meeting many people involved in Art Careers from Muralists, Art Representatives, and Glass blowers, Painters and more I realized a full-time career in Art is a sliding scale. By sliding scale I mean it is similar to a round glass revolving door at a Mall, where several people trickle in or don’t. The big twirl is opportunity and some hitch the ride and find themselves with several commissions and work. Others that are not aligned, or perhaps missing something miss the swing of the glass and  have to hop into the next window of opportunity.  How much waiting is worth the risk in an Art career? Some days I ponder this up hill climb, waiting on others for your next potential sale or project. I must remind myself of the past truths to remedy doubt. I received numerous commissions in Texas and was consistently at work from painting a Polynesian band, the Chamber of commerce, a large window piece for the Patout building in downtown Navasota Texas and so on. So why does fear sink in to me once in awhile after knowing the ebb and flow of opportunity?

Saturday, February 11, 2017 “Saying thank you’s & Good byes”

I waltz outside and smell the pink roses that grow in the front yard. Their fragrance barely lingers long after the bloom. The pink is a buttery salmon that is sliding up a skinny stem. I would stay here forever, living in this house I came to love. The bulding has history and fragrant flowers stain the yard. I catch Neo, a stray cat I named eating a tiny grass snake. He turns and looks at me while the tail half of a snake flip flops beneath his paw.  He dismissed the snake and trotted towards me for pets. Today is sunny and the snake reminded me of the story of Ouroboros, an Egyptian symbol for formless disorder, introspection, and the world’s periodic renewal. I went through these waves in life and circles and its as if the cycle is broken and I can now begin on a straight and narrow path. One I will create instead of prophesize.
The snake wont be eating it’s own tail anytime soon…

It’s hard not to relate this symbol to my stay here in Navasota, Texas. This place made me reborn. A Phoenix from the ashes. Being here and away from everything I knew made me stronger, and believe in myself like I haven’t before. Having peoples interest and being watered with some fresh opportunity and down time to heal past tragedies puts things back into check. I went on numerous walks with Chase (the pup across the street.) Living in this 18th century house restored my faith in life as I know it. I stopped the negative karmic relationship cycle I create in my love life. I made mistakes. Tried walking in circles of the Houston Art Scene, dug deep to scab the past, and I started seeing why I attract what I do. I realised the more I valued me, others followed suit. People walked into my life that had the very thoughts and traits I possessed. From Jame’s spirit, to Jose’s karmic kindesses, to Russel’s belief in the passions of a young artist…these 6 months have been well worth the weight in gold.  Gold being 6 month’s time away from Colin, my cats, my home, and everything that made the old me. Today I say goodbye to the old me and told her its time to start over and risk a new adventure.

Monday, February 6, 2017 “Sage”

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Yesterday I floated around a canvas, painting a familiar image. James came over to sage, ceder, and bless the land the Historic Horlock House sits upon. A medium told James and I there were unrested spirit’s attached to it (and me) at a Body, mind, and Soul in the weeks previous.
I felt dizzy and weighted as he saged Hufreesh and I. We burnt tobacco after thinking of our intentions for the unrested spirits. I made a large pot of lemon grass tea, then walked barefoot outside. I knew that was the real reason why we came to the Horlock house, Hufreesh voiced my thoughts aloud as we sat upon the blue porch watching Jame’s rituals.
A trumpeting train beckons behind the building I sit in while I rehearse yesterday. I sold a pair of Rose Gold Morganite earrings, downed a latte,  and  am contemplating my next move. Minimalize, reorganize, and find peaceful moments throughout the day. These are my current priorities.

Saturday, January 14, 2017 “Truth Serum”

Lastnite I feverishly stumbled around the Horlock House extremely whoozy. I felt like a mouse drowning in sticky cold beer. I took a liquid probiotic that did not agree with me. Fuorescent lighting burnt my retinas while I arounded the bathroom corner. Ascending down the robin egg blue stairs I curved a left into the shower room. I took a darkly lite shower. What wasn’t normal were all the changes my body has made lately. Alcohol makes my right side hurt, same with birth control, and now I finally found the reason. I believe this is all stemming back to my Amalgam fillings that are WAY overdue for removal. Amalgam silver fillings are made from a blend of metals which contain up to 50% mercury. Mercury is a Neuro-toxin. My body has been getting hormonal changes, UTI’s, yeast infections, and allergic reactions from the simplest of products. Deodorant even gave me hives for Godsake. (Used the same brand for a year.)

Whenever I take probiotic I feel drunk hours later for some reason. I blame this for a night riddled with nightmares. And previous nights as well. I had a nightmare soo intense I woke up. I woke right when a white witch of God-like faith gave me a truth serum by unsealing my lips to my soul by the help of an angel. Lies, I was made of them I snarled through cement lips as my body sucummed a deep possession state. Crystals of all types surrounded me in the dream.

3pm Today  I drink a beer at an Art Council fundraiser BBQ in College Station. So far I have sold one piece. A older man in an olive green hat happened by to tell me how hard it is to make it as an Artist. He proceeded telling me he was one of the lucky ones in the 60’s. One day in Connecticut a stranger strolling by his barn Gallery said, ” lets make you famous” he recalled. He even stated that exact man was a friend of Vincent Von Gogh. Apparently his friend has funny stories of being with him. After telling me how Art is a business he added I need to frame my work, name it, and sign it. I know I was nodding my head and but I wasnt in the mood to hear yet another person tell me how tough being an Artist is. I choose not to believe it. I want all possiblies open and available to me, if I give into that thought I would be backtracking on all the internal work I have made. Valuable work I have done spiritually like knowing I am worth anything, also that I can achieve anything.

“The shit doesn’t stop until YOU stop.”- As Jame’s band mate proclaims

Monday, January 9, 2017 “Changing the Future before it changes you”

When I was younger I looked at life like a series of events that one needed to go through in order to become an adult. Now I look back at turning 18 and I knew I was young so I used it to my advantage because it wouldn’t last. Ten years later I am glad I did. I am glad I sat on beaches, seen all the famous museums from New York to California. I also wasted alot of time at jobs that didn’t suit me and with people that didnt as well.

Currently I stare through the front left Window at Harvest Cafe in downtown Bryan Texas. I wonder about the new people I will meet in the future and what traits will they have that make me question mine, to grow as a person. I chose the path of not loving a child for my own expansion while alot of woman I know have. While on my journey all the time in the world is allowed for me to grow, if I had that child where on the path would I be? Would I stop focusing on me? Now that I have all the time in the world to grow I need to use it to learn from all the lessons I ignore and repeat. I like not knowing what the next chapter in my life will be but that is hard for someone who sees future potentials. I made previous decisions on the future potentials I saw…now I wonder if no matter what I do the lesson was fated to happen for my own expansion and will it still come even when I opt out of an experience. I am starting to believe this maybe true.

Monday, November 28, 2016 “Pathways”

Divine right timing. Do you know what it is? If you havent spent much time to wonder inside yourself or havent mastered manifestation, vibrational and karamic laws that govern this world you may be lost in the posts ahead. This theory is no figment of the imagination. It is an order, a rule that is guided by your desires. A labyrinth of creation. The birth of your pathway in life, because you create all aspects of your life just by having thoughts and desires, by being alive or simply, “being.”  There is more mystery in this philosophy than I opted into knowing yet, but I’ve been learning, whatever that affords me.

Last nite I was sanding masonite boards inside of the Horlock House Garage. I tied a dress around my face for a mask and used a power sander James lent me. A man I made friends with the moment we met, for I trusted him. I got that feeling and ran with it. Where others were hesitant I was wide open and I am glad to see my intution has perfect aim. He made the house dinner and fixed the door latch soon after and recently we spent thanksgiving together but more on that later. While I sanded Jose invited me over for a beer and gave me a turkey leg. Walking over we chatted for a time. We spoke of the renissance fair we both  attended recently and I learnt of his family situation.

He told me a few years back his wife got her tubes tied but he wanted another baby, so they went to the doctor and they happened upon a tumor growth that wasnt cancerous but they proceeded with a hysterectomy. That is an example of divine right timing created by desire. Jose’s desire let his wife happen upon a tumor she wasn’t aware of. He added a new pathway for his wife, some call this divine or fate. I beg to differ because at some point it was you who acted upon desires and let yourself have them.

Let yourself be loved, rejected, gifted, stolen from, and everything else that comes your way. Learn from the experiences that unfold even if they end your story. For the point isnt about the circumstance it is about the meaning you derive from the experience you’re having.

Since I have been taking Chase (Jose’s dog) for a walk instead of whining about him  needing exercise it has opened new doors of learning. By being the change I wish to see I opened the cage of my mind. Try for a day to relinquish your boundaries, beliefs, and attachments. Question them and have fun with changing the pieces on the board to create new pathways in the labyrinth of your mind for it will mirror in the physical world soon after.

Sunday, November 13, 2016 “Open the door, it is Opportunity!”

It has been longer then a minute since posting about my progression as an Artist. A lot has changed. I am now living in Navasota Texas, part of the NAIR (Navasota Artist In Residence) program ran by the Art Council of Brazos Valley. I applied when working at Le Chateau and decided to follow my dream. I have been learning all I need to know about the art world and how it really works. I have attended Fundraisers, Art Openings, Met the owners of several Art Galleries and Representatives. So far I have done my research and realised my value as an Artist, and now I know my problem before was connected to my generosity, lack of boundaries, and valuing “myself.” I now will charge what I need and let the people who value my product agree. Before coming here I let nay-sayers feed my inner fears connected to following my dreams and real self. Now I have matured as a woman and look to all the knowledge life offers moving forward. I have something to say to people looking for validation. Stop. Validate yourself, love yourself, and  more opportunity to do so will mirror.

Opportunity is always knocking, so turn the T.V. down. Put your cellphone down. Make some connections with like-minded people. Ask for help. Turn your criticism off, neglect your negative thoughts stating, ” Those things don’t happen out of thin air” for I am living proof THEY DO. When you doubt and you’re stuck in a routine, you rarely see your life change before your eyes. For YOU haven’t changed. Become the seeker, not a squater. Open up and look at your life with fresh eyes and wonder why NOT YOU? Wonder why all the new people are flooding into your life. What lessons are they there to teach, what personality traits are they mirroring that YOU actually possess so you can morph to become the best version of yourself? I have been fed up lately with trying to motivate people….people that whine about the world unchanging. It starts with you. This should be obvious, I mean have you heard ANY Michael Jackson songs? Enough jesting, I digress…what does it take to follow your bliss? What will it take for you? A life time of wasted energy at an unfullfilling job? An illness? Almost dying then realising there is no time left? What will it take for you to give yourself what you most deeply wish for?

Monday, February 29, 2016 “W.A.R.M Art-show”

This past Thursday I took a drive down to Minneapolis to see the place my painting of Courtney was hung. Also to see my friends and go to new cafes. We were all so tired I think none of us saw it as a day off.

The Grain Belt bottling Company, A spacious room filled with feminist art stroked the walls. I wasn’t intrigued. I didn’t feel alive or passion. Feminist was the theme of the show and is a word that makes me feel strange. I think woman are powerful obviously, I am also. But there is a difference between being noticed for your strength as a woman and just talking about how all woman should have some. My consolable brain jumps right in to find the fault with that statement and to be inclusive to the woman who are weak. Because acceptance was a theme for me as I was young, I never felt accepted and never asked others to change their opinion of me either, so in other words I was strong, and I don’t really care about underdogs, I just don’t point them out as much.

Feminism. That word still dis-empowers the woman whom in which aren’t there yet and makes them feel the distance between themselves and the goal…complete confidence and freedom. I call it “taking inventory.”

 It is America, you would think our society is progressive enough to be past this subject. Or any race or gender subjects. Well?

Monday, February 29, 2016 “Visited MOWA”

Mowa in West Bend Wisconsin was stunningly beautiful. I stood before the biggest Realism painting I have ever seen, titled “The Flagellants” painted by Carl Von Marr. It was soo moving, my jaw dropped and my head was tilted skyward with awe. I met a new friend Pam Anderson who was also in the current show in MOWA.

She is a very accomplished artist whom just won the Pfister Hotel artist in residence award. Its funny, I wanted to apply years ago it seems, alias I meet a woman who gets accepted. Weeks ago I said I would like to meet a woman that wanted to help me and my art, who was genuine, instead of several slimy men full of broken promises leading to disdain and an abused body and  reputation. Then out of the blue my mothers friend, “Jody” asked me to go. Note to everyone, all wishes come true when you let go, so keep an open heart and mind to all the world has to offer and keep wishing even though it IS hard to focus sometimes.

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